While checking my junk mail one day, I came across this and the following events ensued...
Joe,
My name is Scott and I found your contact info on the web because I was searching for a 16" hitting coach for my team. You run a great blog for your league ( http://o50network.blogspot.com/ ) and it seems you are a golf instructor and I wondered if you would teach softball as well. Here's the deal - I played 16" in the south suburbs for a number of years. This year, after a number of years off, I decided to start a team in Wilmette where I live now. I mainly did it for the beers and camaraderie while aiming to be competitive. The problem is that while we do have some former athletes who stay active (everyone is 40ish) we are struggling at the plate while slowly improving in the field. We are 0-7 and are getting slaughtered by the more experienced teams. Many of us are competitive and while we do like the postgame activities, we need to win.We need help. Let me know if this is something you would be interested in (as early as this weekend) or if you have any other suggestions.Thanks so much.
Scott
Hello Scott, I would be happy to help. The question is where and when. When you have time later today, call me at my work number 847-304-7185 so we can discuss.
Joe
Joe,
In terms of the all-in cost for your time and travel let me know what you think, specifically on the travel part as we discussed the time portion of $1/minute. If you need to adjust any part of the cost structure just let me know. I shot an email out and I have at least half a dozen people so far and waiting for some more responses. Let's plan for 7:15am Sunday morning for an hour or so. The park is across from my house and is called Howard Park. If you're up for it, I'm envisioning you giving us some general tips followed by some or all of our guys taking some swings and you giving any feedback or tips. As to the first part, I'll leave it to you, but some things that I think would be helpful for us are: some general tips on swing mechanics (where to stand in the box, swing, follow through, etc.), proper thought process when we come to the plate (what you're thinking about in terms of your swing, placement, etc.) and an approach at the plate (what kind of pitch to look for, where to try to hit the ball). And if any other things come up that are not hitting-specific, we'd be happy to have any help we can get (best type of bat to use). While most of us have played baseball or 12" softball, we don't have a ton of 16" experience. As to the individualized tips, we have a range of abilities, from a few guys who don't have much experience swinging a bat at any level to most of us who have played baseball and some softball over the years. But for whatever reason, we haven't been able to translate the experience we have to hitting in game situations. So my guess is that there might be some simple tips for some guys that could make a big difference. Sorry for such a brain dump here but thought it would make all of our time more productive.
Scott
(following the session I learned their team name is the Dead Cougars since this was the neighborhood from which the news story came about a cougar on the loose being killed here)
The session consisted of both soft toss with individual critique, along with regular batting practice hitting to all fields. Click here for videos http://www.youtube.com/user/deadcougar
Scott's notes from the session:
Hitting:
1. Simplify your swing thoughts, this is not golf, no time to think of mechanics
2. Setup-weight back, arms back
3. Execution-keep the head steady so you can see the ball better.
4. Drive off the back leg in the direction you want to aim
5. look at the defense and see what they're giving you
6. with 2 strikes go with the pitch and an 80 percent swing, don't try to pull it
7. if you can't hit a high arching pitch "tomahawk" it
8. if you like a low pitch stand back in the box, if you like higher, move up front in the box
9. No gifts for the defense, never hit the ball to 3rd with runners on 1st & 2nd
10. when going to the right side,
a) wait till the ball is passed you, really wait, and then wait some more,
b) don't break the wrists (you will on the follow through, but don't try to),
c) step toward right field.
11. productive outs to move the runners is ok, so hit the ball to the right side with bases loaded, or runners on 1st and 2nd Base with less than 2 outs.
12. swing the heaviest bat you can as long as you don't sacrifice bat speed.
13. a lighter bat will give you more control, which is important when aiming at a hole.
Pitching:
1. Never give the batter the pitch he is looking for, if you can tell that the guy is trying to pull the ball, step toward 1st base and pitch him outside
2. if he's going to right step toward 3rd and try to jam him.
3. No batting practice pitches, do not pitch from the rubber, step off the rubber as far as you can either side.
4. Get as much arc on the pitch as legally possible, these are harder to hit.
5. After releasing the pitch, back up and play defense.
Defense:
1. No gifts, make the offense earn everything.
2. Know in advance if the ball is hit to you where are you going to throw.
3. on high infield spinners try to "alligator clamp" the ball right hand on top of left hand.
Joe wrote me this morning and gave us another tip. "One more thing that could make the difference between winning and losing. On defense, just because a ball is not hit to you, you still have a job to do, and that is to back up a base in case of an overthrow. I have seen teams lose just because of one bad play like this where nobody backed up the base and the ball got away and the winning run scored."
Attitude:
1. To improve focus, play the game a little angry (actually I said PO'd)
2. Give constant encouragement to teammates
3. bust chops after the game with a "kangaroo court" - charge fines for mental errors.
First, it looks like we have full attendance tomorrow. McDonnell has been instructed to bring enough beer. Let's get out there at 6:00pm to warmup and practice our new skills.
Second, here are the videos from practice. http://www.youtube.com/user/deadcougar
(after the session)
(from Dan H) Scott! That was great… and incredibly helpful to me personally as a "newbie" to the game. With the lessons learned on Sunday and continued "guidance" from my teammates, my goal is to be more of a contributor to our future WINS! And Joe, thank you for your time, insight, guidance and risking your life for the betterment of "The Dead Cougars"!!
Dan H
(from Steve F) Ideally the guys that were not there on Sunday morning could get to the game early tomorrow for some pointers from Scott "Wannabe Joe" Radtke.
(from Scott) "That's why the old guys beat the younger teams." -Coach Joe addressing the team on Sunday morning. This quote really addresses the fact that playing a smart game is just as important (if not more important) as being athletic.
It was a productive session and we will give a refresher course to the folks that were not there. My favorite part was playing soft toss with the rain and lightning. I will send out the videos later today. Joe is copied on this email. I traded emails with Joe this morning and he wishes us luck on Tuesday and we need to let him know how it went.
I realize now that we should have had at least one example demonstrating the correct stance and swing. Next time we have Joe out with us we can put him in front of the camera.
(Joe's comments: As a testimonial to my teaching skills, the Dead Cougars enthusiatically went to their next game and got beat 10-0. Oh well. It turns out that this league has an unlimited arch pitching rule, and can be a very difficult pitch to hit. Although I did mention you should try to tomahawk such a pitch, I should have conducted an actual drill on this, and after I said so to Scott, they had their own practice for the high arch pitch).
About 9 guys came out to a practice on Saturday morning. Our pitcher threw for about 90 minutes while we had a competitive BP (teams of 2 against each other with fielders - hits were one point) as well as some regular BP. I told our pitcher that I wanted as high an arc as possible while still pitching strikes. I brought out a car mat that would be as big as the strike zone well and he had to hit that for it to be a strike.
As a result, here is more news from Scott... [my comments in brackets]
(July 1, 2008)
The Dead Cougars are alive! We did it -- we beat the Misfit Beavers 13-12. Now that was true Chicago 16-inch softball. Lots of runs, great plays, unreal hustle on the basepaths, jawing with the opponent, and a tension filled 7th. I have no idea where to begin. As Danielsen put it at the postgame, for most of our games, the discussion is about one good play we had, but after this game, there were more good plays than we could remember. Even the day after, it's still a blur. Should I begin with the fact that we scored more runs in one game than we have in the entire season? Or Lipsey lighting the fuse with a solid hit on the first pitch of the game and motoring around to score on Martin's hit? What about Martin switch hitting, doing his Brooks Robinson impersonation at 3B and setting the tone for a scrappy game by tagging up and somehow scoring on an infield pop out? Or Danielsen hitting a ground rule double to the opposite field? Or Bobis coming through with clutch hit after clutch hit? Or Melchoirre pitching a great game with sweet high arcs and helping his cause with an RBI single? Or Fortier's flawless shortstop play? Or how about Dr. Phil getting body slammed and coming back to get the final out? Or the ump calling their SS a fuc*ing a**hole (which he did midgame, and to which they responded, "That is the only call you made right all night!")? Or how about Julie being called a f'ing wh*re by their first baseman?
[my favorite part] Nope, none of that will suffice. The way to begin is to let you know that I woke up this morning after 5 hours of sleep, very sore, slight headache, dehydrated, rough throat, in my uniform, smelling of sweat, bug spray and beer, walked down the stairs and looked at our mantle over the fireplace and next to our wedding picture (taken 13 years ago today) and a crystal vase there sits the game ball and the cork to the bottle of champagne. Now that is a good feeling!
Our bats were alive. Everybody put a good swing on the ball. Right field, left field, hard grounders, line shots. I would venture to say that we did Joe D. proud last night. Our defense was stellar and almost flawless. The highlight of our defense was the fact that we made the correct throws every time and did not let them take the extra base. We even made a couple putouts at the bases, most notably when Lipsey gunned down a runner at third with Martin calmly applying the tag. Our baserunning was aggressive. We took the extra base at every chance, hustled and beat out what should have been routine outs and even had Hoglund doing the Cowboy Dance during a rundown. Speaking of baserunning, Phil looked like he hit a brick wall when their 400 pound first baseman put his shoulder into him as he was crossing first base and knocked him sideways. Although the Beavers had arms as big as sewer pipes hanging from their sides, I was ready to throw hands right there. Thankfully the ump kicked him out of the game, which gave him ample time to sit his ample a*s on the bench and plead with the park district guy that the ump sucks and all he did was lean in to catch the throw. He was really just an innocent victim, right? At which point, Julie couldn't hold her tongue and had to call, "That is such bull!" Then one of their girlfriends let the park district guy know that the ump shouldn't call their guy an a**hole. "Then they shouldn't act like a**holes!" is what came out of my little wife's mouth. "Shut up, fuc*ing whore," is apparently how their victimized first baseman responded to that. As she said after the game, you can take the girl out of the south side, but you can't take the south side out of the girl. Joe D. said to play angry and I guess that extends to the wives as well. This being the Dead Cougars going for their first win, of course, it wouldn't be easy. We entered the bottom of the 7th with a 13-6 lead. But the Beavers started finding the narrow gaps in our defense and came storming back to make it 13-12, putting runners on the corners with two outs. After Lipinski's brief discussion with the ump to figure out if the ejected Beaver's spot in the lineup had come up, their left handed power hitter hit a long drive down the right field line. In a turn that can only be considered poetic justice, Phil raced over to the line, camped under the ball and squeezed it to seal the victory. [my comment, I can only imagine the euphoria of getting their first win, it must have been a mob scene, I wish I could have seen that].
Melchiorre came through with a postgame fitting for the occasion. Beer on ice, pizzas fresh out of the oven and a perfect setting on the front porch. I was happy that I was able to pop open those bottles of Wilmette's finest bubbly and now won't be haunted by them every time I open my fridge [another one of my favorite imaginations]. As one Cougar put it, the beer tastes better after a win (to me, this indicates you guys have finally arrived). As another said, the Cougars are undefeated in July. And as Flannery put it [this is freakin priceless], "When you consider the euro, there are four distinct reasons for its increase in value, number one..." (No word on whether the Beavers were having a similar discussion at their postgame.) Huge props to Jen and Julie, our two fans (or witnesses as Greg called them). It was a great night and well-deserved for a great bunch of guys. I was grateful that Oxer was able to make it out on his daughter's birthday, and I wish Trout and my brother could have been there (although with their enthusiasm we may have spent the postgame behind bars), but hopefully this is the first in a long line of Cougar victories.
post game comments from various teammates:
What a great TEAM effort last night and some pretty amazing individual efforts as well!! I am a Dead Cougar with his head held high!!
Awesome...just awesome... " Then they shouldn't act like a**holes!" I love it!!!
It was a long drive back to Berwyn for the Frustrated Beavers.
Great narrative, Great team effort and a Great W!
The Captain modestly neglected to mention his stellar play in left field and dead strike to home plate from left.
That makes my day! Go Cougars! I know there will be plenty more wins! Way to put some spice into the game, Julie!
Julie, you are one tough chick...Scott, I see a future for you as a Sox announcer or sportswriter...great follow-up email.
Joe, even though it was a 90 minute lesson, your words and demonstration have really helped us. We have referred to it often. We need to set up another time for you to come out and provide more individual instruction to the group.
[my final comment - This most accurately captures the essence of Chicago style bare handed 16 inch softball. And Dead Cougars, your team chemistry is top notch, and that will certainly lead to more success in the future. Thank you for letting me enjoy your success, no charge for future sessions.]
Further reports from Wilmette:
Highlights of the next game (a loss that threw a scare into one of the top teams in the league):
Flannery sliding at home plate and falling short by about a foot for the last out of the game looking up at the ump and indicating he was safe. Tim also had a great unassisted double play.
· Our resident dentist getting picked off first was a beauty (that will cost you in kangaroo court next year). Phil showed off his range and great arm in the outfield – who knew? Phil is throwing his body everywhere and is hoping Brooks Brothers carries blood free pants so his knee doesn't soak through.
· Bobis played an excellent 2B featuring a line shot that tripled the size of his left nipple.
· As I was leaving the house for the train I heard some noise at the park and walked over. Trout was still there debating the ump about what constitutes the baseline (Trout was called out for running out of the baseline while approaching 2nd base from right field).
· Martin once again was a spark plug out of the box to get us on the board with an early lead.
· Danielsen hitting our team's first triple of the season. Also, it was great to have Kristen joining the Cougars postgame activity.
· I really enjoyed the 4 or 5 Radtke to Radtke putouts. Marc played a flawless 1B. BTW, Marc, the dog's name is Chase not Chuck.
· I did not enjoy getting my wind knocked out as I dove for a putout at 3B. I had the dirtiest shirt award until Flannery's headfirst slide.
· Lipsey with a pulled hammy covering tons of ground and showing off the accurate gun holstered to his shoulder.
· Otsuka also with great catches and throws and a featuring sweet throw for a putout at 3B.
· Oxer hustling out a great hit and throwing another top notch postgame. Jeremy is now the official 5 hour energy supplier (dealer, distributor, enabler - you choose the word). http://www.5hourenergy.com/
· Melchiorre getting compliments from Grandpa's on a great pitching performance. Although Dave would have like the umpire to share that same opinion.
· I think we have a following – lots of wives out there. Cougars dig Cougars! (Otsuka's coined phrase - he has already trademarked it and shirts will be on sale next game).
· We are gaining a following outside the Cougar family as well! We have neighbors, friends and other teams all rooting for us. It was great to have a Flynner join us for a nightcap and have him and Trouter share the leprechauns in Vegas story.
...and the following week...
With a victory we would move up a spot and be tied for 9th place. With a loss we might be basement dwellers once again. We have exactly 10 for the game tonight with the debut of The Joke Writer as our pitcher. Pete has been instructed to kiss the sky with his pitches, get high like Jimi Hendrix and put the Cheiftons in a green haze. One quick story. So I was drinking beers Friday night with some folks who live on Washington and back up to Howard Park. A certain woman says to me, "So, did you have the Cougars out for a practice on Sunday morning?" I said, "Yup, we got out there at about 7am and were out there for a couple hours." She said, "Yes, (pause) I know, you woke me up!" "Really," I said, "There were only five of us, I didn't think we were talking that loud." She said, "It was the bat hitting the ball that woke me up." That is just awesome! At first I figured she heard a hungover Trouter holding court in left field holding his Venti Iced Americano and catching balls with his non-injured hand, then I realized our sweet swings are waking up the neighborhood. That is beautiful.
"I Think The Cougars Are A Warm Weather Team"
- Greg Otsuka quote from after our April 29th opening day 35-1 loss in 40 degree weather.
After a bit of research, it turns out Greg is right. According to the Canadian government agency that collects cougar-related data, warm weather causes a jump in cougar attacks.
The warm weather last night fueled our 8-5 assault on our opponent and now fetches us a 3-1 record in July. We are also undefeated in position games and rematches.
Speaking of violence, according to the official scorebook Marc has officially not been present for our two victories. He decided to pull a Doug Plank on the second baseman early in the game on a force out and was promptly booted from the game by the umpire. After the game, Marc indicated that he thought it was perfectly fine to knock the defensive player silly because Jeremy did to the catcher on the Hitmen.
Unquestionably, the hero of the game was our man "Big Z" Lipsey. Pete brought out his "good Carlos" with a right arm that threw some lofty strikes, walking only one, and when we were down 5-3 with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 6th, he unloaded a shot to left center for a grand slam that put us ahead for good. It was absolutely unbelievable! One of the most exciting moments of the year!
Other offensive highlights include the following.
We were down 5-1 in the top of the 6th and before Lipsey nailed his granny (who ironically is a cougar, ahem), we had hits from Otsuka, Trout, McDonnell, Hoglund (with a reprise of the Cowboy Dance) and Oxer, which yielded us two runs to get us to 5-3.
It was Oxer's first run of the season. It would have been his second if it wasn't for the aforementioned play at the plate.
Also, in the 6th, we batted around the order for the first time this season. Danielsen led off the 6th with an out but came up again later in the inning with me on 1B and got a hit for our final run.
Our defense came through once again as the young, strong and quick Chieftons sprayed hard shots around the field.
Our outfield was flawless with Otsuka, Trout and McDonnell covering the green pasture with ease.
In CF, Trouter had a bullet throw to Marc at third that almost gunned out the runner.
Flannery was an all-purpose player while playing three positions.
I was fired up about my first double play of the season (well, first one on defense).
On the injury front, it looks like Trouter will be on the DL for at least next week. He pulled a groin (his own thankfully) during our big inning. What is very interesting is that Mike Flynn on the Hitmen, who is Trout's college roommate and current co-worker also has a pulled groin. Rumor has it that Bobis isn't the only one with an Open Stance video.
Jeff "Open Stance" Bobis, who was not supposed to show up, pulled an Oxer and rushed to make the postgame festivities after swilling a number of employer mandated beers. Little did he know he would be rushed into duty to make our then 9-person squad a full 10. He played a fine half inning and like the sick kid who shows up for last period, he kept his Ripken practice and game attendance streak alive.
The Cougar contingent was disappointed that a few of our pack were unable to attend.
Martin was on the high waters of Lake Michigan sailing in the 100th Race to Mackinac.
Fortier was transacting business in Tokyo where just moments ago he enjoyed a serious earthquake.
Melchiorre was enjoying a concert with a former Cougar and I think got to go backstage and meet John Mellencamp.
Lipinski was taking a client to dinner and did everything he could to get out of it.
We are not just the talk of the town now but of the whole North Shore. Not only did a woman stop me while walking my dog this morning to say congratulations (thanks, Kristen aka The Jokewriteress) but I also was at lunch at The Botanic Gardens and was stopped by a woman who said she was really excited (that's what she said) to hear about our win. So, news travels fast. I'm seriously thinking we need to market our own t-shirts, hats, and thongs (The Wide Stance Collection) to the masses before we let another get-rich-quick opportunity slip away.
For further news, visit http://deadcougars.blogspot.com/
After the season, I was invited to their postseason party (with a cougar "sfx" hiss). Unfortunately I could not attend since my daughter was visiting us from Seattle, so I felt I should at least try to give a worthy response...
Cougar Nation, thanks for inviting me to your postseason party, but I cannot attend, my daughter is visiting us from Seattle that weekend.
Nation, I gotta tell ya, it was fun reading about your adventures this year, especially the first win. I wish I could see a replay of the final out, it must have been quite a rush. This brought all the old clichés to mind: They are finally off the schneid, the monkey is off their back, the horse is out of the barn. (using the voice of NFL Films)... The monkey and horse were promptly devoured by a pack of hungry Cougars, once thought to be dead but clearly very much alive, and officially dangerous.
Those who have not met me yet may be wondering, who is this guy? OK I will tell you. I am a 61 year old little kid who never grew up and has no plans to do so any time soon.
My boyhood hero was Peter Pan because he never wanted to grow up either. Imagine what a blow it was to my manhood when I learned the part of Peter Pan was being played by a woman named Mary Martin. Jeff was that your granny? If so, tell her to watch out for Lipsey (ahem) (re: the Chieftons game).
...So is this guy supposed to be some know-it-all Guru? No, but at age 61 I have been around the block a few times, and in doing so, I have been able to observe a few things, and all I am trying to do is to pass on some of these observations on to you, so you don’t have to wait until you are 61 to figure them out all by yourself.
Now if I am supposed to act like a Guru, then I must give you a Mantra, or words to live by. This should be easy to remember, it is only two words. No, the second word is not You.
This Mantra is something I had previously mentioned to you, “NO GIFTS”. If an opponent is going to beat you, they will have to do that with no help from you. We will be working on minimizing the two types of gifts or errors, physical and mental. On the physical side, there are better ways to throw and catch this type of ball. We must especially minimize the mental errors because they are ALWAYS unnecessary gifts. Little things can change the momentum of a game. Strikeouts or foul-outs are gifts, so better to put the ball in play and give their defense a chance to mess it up. Aiming hits to where there might be easy force outs are gifts. Throwing the ball to the wrong place is a gift. Forgetting to back up a base if the ball is not hit to you may result in a gift if there is an overthrow. Letting a fly ball drop for fear of a collision is a gift.
The list of potential gifts goes on, but I challenge you to Absorb And Live This Mantra, make it part of your mindset. NO GIFTS. Well OK I will reluctantly make exceptions for Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and other such events.
I still have more ways to make this Mantra sink in, so next spring if you want me to, I will travel once again to the land where Moses lost his shoes, and hopefully help you get to the next level.
In closing, I must confess, I really envy you guys because you have decades of good softball ahead of you, as opposed to guys my age who fear the current season might be their last. Heck we do not even bother buying green bananas anymore.
Anyway, I raise a glass and salute you for inviting me to be involved with people who really understand what Chicago style 16 inch softball is all about, ... attitude, pride, enthusiasm, camaraderie. You guys have got it all. God bless. SFX!
Joe D.
for their full story, see their blog from the bottom up, http://deadcougars.blogspot.com
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
The best form of baseball ever devised is the Chicago 16 inch bare handed version.
Why?
Unlike the 12 inch version, you do not need any more equipment other than one bat and one ball. No gloves allowed.
The field size is smaller than any other version of baseball, with the possible exception of Little League.
Fences are not needed. Backstops are not needed.
The field does not need to be manicured, any level surface will do, grass or dirt.
Without a glove there is no such thing as an easy out. You must use both hands to catch the ball, therefore every play is an uncertainty.
Slow pitch assures the ball will be put in play almost all the time, unlike fast pitch where the best pitcher almost always wins, as evidenced by The King And His Court, needing only 4 fielders to beat most other teams. When the pitcher strikes out most batters, the game becomes rather boring. Pretty much the same for regular hard ball baseball which takes over 2 hours per game. 16 inch softball takes only about one hour, so you can use the rest of the time to go to the bar and have some comeraderie with your buddies.
How could we grow the game? Think about young kids learning baseball by playing little league hardball. They stand there doing nothing waiting for the ball to be hit to them, which it seldom is since most batters strike out. Only the best players get better and usually dominate the lesser players. Instead, I say youngsters should use a 14 inch "gymball" and play bare handed. Their skills will develop faster because the ball is always in play, and every position is important. They will also learn the nuances of baseball much faster. When kids get older they can graduate to the 16 inch ball, and by then they will already know how to play the game.
Here is a concept which I call Action Softball, which would be great for grammar school and junior highs, maybe even co-ed:
- Eliminate walks and strikeouts by pitching to your own team. This also eliminates the petty bickering at umpires on proper calls of balls, strikes, illegal pitches, etc.
- Keep the action moving by making a rule that you only get 2 pitches to hit a fair ball, or else you are out (so you might as well swing the bat).
- Reduce the risk of injuries by using the 14-inch "Gymball", which is soft, yet it travels very well when hit, and it is also re-usable which is a cost reduction idea.
- Improve everyone's hand skills by playing bare-handed. Using no gloves is another cost reduction idea.
- Play on grassy areas. There is no need for dirt infields, backstops, or fences. This is not only a major cost reduction idea (maintenance expenses), but you will have many more suitable fields available, and you will be less likely to have games called off due to wet weather (you might have a nice day, but the dirt infields might be muddy).
- Other cost reductions resulting from the above concept are the elimination of the need for catcher's gear, umpire's gear, and helments.
- Blowouts are time-consuming and boring. Reduce blowouts by using a limit to the amount of runs scored per inning ( 5 usually works well) except for the final inning.
- Involve more players by using a continuous batting order, which means the entire roster gets to bat, whether they are playing in the field or not. You can also choose to allow extra fielders such as a defensive pitcher, 4th outfielder, or and extra infielder behind 2nd base.
- Reduce forfeits by allowing teams to play with as few as 7 players, since you do not need a defensive pitcher or catcher.
In summary, people will have many more at bats per game with this format, without using up any more time. The action will be so continuous that it will only take about one hour to finish a 9 inning game. During that hour, there will be very little standing around, more people will be involved, and people will have a lot more fun.
For more information on softball,
Check out this site, especially the Complaint Dept.
http://o50network.blogspot.com/
Why?
Unlike the 12 inch version, you do not need any more equipment other than one bat and one ball. No gloves allowed.
The field size is smaller than any other version of baseball, with the possible exception of Little League.
Fences are not needed. Backstops are not needed.
The field does not need to be manicured, any level surface will do, grass or dirt.
Without a glove there is no such thing as an easy out. You must use both hands to catch the ball, therefore every play is an uncertainty.
Slow pitch assures the ball will be put in play almost all the time, unlike fast pitch where the best pitcher almost always wins, as evidenced by The King And His Court, needing only 4 fielders to beat most other teams. When the pitcher strikes out most batters, the game becomes rather boring. Pretty much the same for regular hard ball baseball which takes over 2 hours per game. 16 inch softball takes only about one hour, so you can use the rest of the time to go to the bar and have some comeraderie with your buddies.
How could we grow the game? Think about young kids learning baseball by playing little league hardball. They stand there doing nothing waiting for the ball to be hit to them, which it seldom is since most batters strike out. Only the best players get better and usually dominate the lesser players. Instead, I say youngsters should use a 14 inch "gymball" and play bare handed. Their skills will develop faster because the ball is always in play, and every position is important. They will also learn the nuances of baseball much faster. When kids get older they can graduate to the 16 inch ball, and by then they will already know how to play the game.
Here is a concept which I call Action Softball, which would be great for grammar school and junior highs, maybe even co-ed:
- Eliminate walks and strikeouts by pitching to your own team. This also eliminates the petty bickering at umpires on proper calls of balls, strikes, illegal pitches, etc.
- Keep the action moving by making a rule that you only get 2 pitches to hit a fair ball, or else you are out (so you might as well swing the bat).
- Reduce the risk of injuries by using the 14-inch "Gymball", which is soft, yet it travels very well when hit, and it is also re-usable which is a cost reduction idea.
- Improve everyone's hand skills by playing bare-handed. Using no gloves is another cost reduction idea.
- Play on grassy areas. There is no need for dirt infields, backstops, or fences. This is not only a major cost reduction idea (maintenance expenses), but you will have many more suitable fields available, and you will be less likely to have games called off due to wet weather (you might have a nice day, but the dirt infields might be muddy).
- Other cost reductions resulting from the above concept are the elimination of the need for catcher's gear, umpire's gear, and helments.
- Blowouts are time-consuming and boring. Reduce blowouts by using a limit to the amount of runs scored per inning ( 5 usually works well) except for the final inning.
- Involve more players by using a continuous batting order, which means the entire roster gets to bat, whether they are playing in the field or not. You can also choose to allow extra fielders such as a defensive pitcher, 4th outfielder, or and extra infielder behind 2nd base.
- Reduce forfeits by allowing teams to play with as few as 7 players, since you do not need a defensive pitcher or catcher.
In summary, people will have many more at bats per game with this format, without using up any more time. The action will be so continuous that it will only take about one hour to finish a 9 inning game. During that hour, there will be very little standing around, more people will be involved, and people will have a lot more fun.
For more information on softball,
Check out this site, especially the Complaint Dept.
http://o50network.blogspot.com/
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Can't Putt
I was always a pretty good ball striker, but being a bit nearsighted, my putting has always been mediocre. I tried to listen to every tip, but nothing seemed to help. Nevertheless I was determined to improve, so I hung around the supermarket magazine racks with the teeny-boppers, hoping to find a golf magazine that could give me that one magical tip to cure my putting woes.
What's this? An article that says to try a cross handed grip? No no no, that is for beginners who don't know how to hold baseball bat, much less a golf club. Boy you would have to be really desperate to try something that weird, backhanding the ball like a hockey player.
The last straw came during our company golf league. On the last green I had a medium length birdie putt, and as I was lining it up, the other players in my foursome were commenting openly that it was an easy putt because each of them had holed it from about the same spot last week. The pressure was on. They continued to comment that 2 weeks ago our worst player had holed a putt from there. I could feel perspiration forming upon my furrowed brow. Then they said two of the ladies in our league sank one from about that spot. The throat was getting dry, it's choke time. By now this quivering mass of protoplasm was thinking he would be lucky if he could 2 putt from there. One of them made a bet that I would 3 putt. He lost the bet because I four putted.
As they all exited the green laughing, I went back to the original spot and something made me try the cross handed grip out of despair, and with nobody watching I sank 3 in a row. Since the following group was approaching, so I went to the practice green and waited until it was vacant because I was too embarrassed to let anyone see me holding the putter like that. Then I snuck on, looked around and made sure nobody was watching this strange grip, and sure enough, this grip worked much better than my conventional grip. I got carried away and started doing imitations of Chi Chi Rodriguez until I realized I was being watched, so I skulked off the practice green and raced back to the magazine rack, pushed the teeny-boppers out of the way, and got 4 paper cuts trying to find that magazine article again so I could find out if there were any good reasons why this grip worked.
The article said the left hand was the control hand for right handed golfers, so by placing the control hand farther down the grip, control is enhanced, and the right hand, or power hand, becomes less important, in fact the power hand is what causes most putting strokes to get messed up. At this point, being desperate enough to believe anything, it almost made sense. The article went on to say which pros were already using it, so why should I feel so self conscious about it? If the putts are going into the hole, why should I care if someone says "Whatsamatter did you forget how to hold a club", or "Stand on the other side of the ball if you want to hold the club like that", or "Gretzky with a slap shot and he SCORES".
Fortunately for me, nowadays this grip has gained acceptance. They even gave it a fancier name, the left hand low grip. Ooooooh, that sounds better. Now I can come out of the closet, so to speak (stay away from me, fruity guys, that's not what I meant).
I was always a pretty good ball striker, but being a bit nearsighted, my putting has always been mediocre. I tried to listen to every tip, but nothing seemed to help. Nevertheless I was determined to improve, so I hung around the supermarket magazine racks with the teeny-boppers, hoping to find a golf magazine that could give me that one magical tip to cure my putting woes.
What's this? An article that says to try a cross handed grip? No no no, that is for beginners who don't know how to hold baseball bat, much less a golf club. Boy you would have to be really desperate to try something that weird, backhanding the ball like a hockey player.
The last straw came during our company golf league. On the last green I had a medium length birdie putt, and as I was lining it up, the other players in my foursome were commenting openly that it was an easy putt because each of them had holed it from about the same spot last week. The pressure was on. They continued to comment that 2 weeks ago our worst player had holed a putt from there. I could feel perspiration forming upon my furrowed brow. Then they said two of the ladies in our league sank one from about that spot. The throat was getting dry, it's choke time. By now this quivering mass of protoplasm was thinking he would be lucky if he could 2 putt from there. One of them made a bet that I would 3 putt. He lost the bet because I four putted.
As they all exited the green laughing, I went back to the original spot and something made me try the cross handed grip out of despair, and with nobody watching I sank 3 in a row. Since the following group was approaching, so I went to the practice green and waited until it was vacant because I was too embarrassed to let anyone see me holding the putter like that. Then I snuck on, looked around and made sure nobody was watching this strange grip, and sure enough, this grip worked much better than my conventional grip. I got carried away and started doing imitations of Chi Chi Rodriguez until I realized I was being watched, so I skulked off the practice green and raced back to the magazine rack, pushed the teeny-boppers out of the way, and got 4 paper cuts trying to find that magazine article again so I could find out if there were any good reasons why this grip worked.
The article said the left hand was the control hand for right handed golfers, so by placing the control hand farther down the grip, control is enhanced, and the right hand, or power hand, becomes less important, in fact the power hand is what causes most putting strokes to get messed up. At this point, being desperate enough to believe anything, it almost made sense. The article went on to say which pros were already using it, so why should I feel so self conscious about it? If the putts are going into the hole, why should I care if someone says "Whatsamatter did you forget how to hold a club", or "Stand on the other side of the ball if you want to hold the club like that", or "Gretzky with a slap shot and he SCORES".
Fortunately for me, nowadays this grip has gained acceptance. They even gave it a fancier name, the left hand low grip. Ooooooh, that sounds better. Now I can come out of the closet, so to speak (stay away from me, fruity guys, that's not what I meant).
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Chess Is A Dog-Eat-Dog Game
I enjoyed learning chess when I was a kid, but had not played in awhile. One day while I was in the military, they posted a notice for a chess tournament, so I thought it might be fun to try it. It turned out to be what they called a Speed tournament, you had to make a certain amount of moves in a certain amount of time, otherwise the tournament would take forever due to those who play with the speed of a department store mannequin.
Not knowing what to expect, I envisioned a room full of nerds with thick glasses, because everybody knows they are really smart and good at chess, but when I got there I only saw regular GI's with fatigues, just like me. Then I got to meet my first opponent, who happened to be a nerdy looking guy with thick glasses. Where did he come from? Did he materialize out of thin air just to torment me? Already I was intimidated.
I had never used a chess clock before, so I kept forgetting to stop my clock after my move, so my time ran out. If your time runs out, you lose. Darn. My second opponent was wearing no glasses, so I figured I had a chance this time. This guy had the same problem I did, so neither one of us remembered to stop our clocks after our moves. Fortunately, his clock ran out before mine did. It was a good thing too because I was getting my butt kicked.
Then I had to play a guy whose personal hygiene was worse than Pigpen's. Every few seconds he would alternate belch or fart. Talk about distractions. I was tempted to fight fire with fire, but I feared the building would have to be evacuated. The distractions were too much to overcome, so rather than suffer death by asphyxiation, I let my clock run out.
My next opponent was one of these guys who could swagger while he was sitting down. Mr. Suave De Boner. He was so good he even remembered to stop his clock after every move. He was a large guy and a heavy breather. All during the game I felt like I was in the middle of an obscene phone call. Whenever he made a move he would smirk and glance at me, like why am I lowering myself to play a peasant like you? And then there were the cerebral remarks like, oh I see you are using the Jirkov opening from the 1920's. And I am thinking who the heck is Jirkov, and the way I pronounce it, it might be describing the guy across the table from me.
So I figured if he is going to play a textbook game, I might as well take him out of his game by forcing trades. He did not like that, but chess is war. Then he made a mistake and all of a sudden I realized I had him. My game plan had worked perfectly, but my clock ran out again and he won. Then he went on to win the whole tournament. Afterwards, he turned out to be a pretty good guy. We chatted for awhile and he congratulated me on giving him his toughest match.
Chess can be fun, but there is some gamesmanship involved. Here are some ways to really annoy your opponent:
Never move any piece once unless you have touched every other piece twice.
If you have a piece under attack, immediately put another so to confuse your opponent.
Bang your pieces down when you move, it intimidates your opponent.
Never resign, there is always a chance your opponent might drop dead before he checkmates you.
Always give a check when you can, it may be a mate. Anyhow, it is better to have checked and lost than never to have checked at all.
Stick to one textbook opening even if it is bad and you don't understand it. One day you will find someone who knows it even less than you do.
Castle, take en-passant, promote pawns to minor pieces whenever you can, it helps to create the impression that you have a deep knowledge.
Never think before you move. You can always retract your move, but your opponents must never be allowed to retract theirs.
If you can announce checkmate, do so and say nice game and walk away before your opponent has a chance to make sure.
Give away your pawns, they only get in the way and hamper your other pieces, and those of your opponents.
When you accidentally stumble upon a win, at once declare noisily that you played it that way.
While watching two other people play who you do not like, be a kibitzer, comment openly, even move the pieces on the board for them, they will not bug you anymore after that.
If you really want to f*ck up your opponent, show up wearing coke bottle glasses and false buck teeth, and practice the timing of your belches and farts. All is fair in chess and war.
I enjoyed learning chess when I was a kid, but had not played in awhile. One day while I was in the military, they posted a notice for a chess tournament, so I thought it might be fun to try it. It turned out to be what they called a Speed tournament, you had to make a certain amount of moves in a certain amount of time, otherwise the tournament would take forever due to those who play with the speed of a department store mannequin.
Not knowing what to expect, I envisioned a room full of nerds with thick glasses, because everybody knows they are really smart and good at chess, but when I got there I only saw regular GI's with fatigues, just like me. Then I got to meet my first opponent, who happened to be a nerdy looking guy with thick glasses. Where did he come from? Did he materialize out of thin air just to torment me? Already I was intimidated.
I had never used a chess clock before, so I kept forgetting to stop my clock after my move, so my time ran out. If your time runs out, you lose. Darn. My second opponent was wearing no glasses, so I figured I had a chance this time. This guy had the same problem I did, so neither one of us remembered to stop our clocks after our moves. Fortunately, his clock ran out before mine did. It was a good thing too because I was getting my butt kicked.
Then I had to play a guy whose personal hygiene was worse than Pigpen's. Every few seconds he would alternate belch or fart. Talk about distractions. I was tempted to fight fire with fire, but I feared the building would have to be evacuated. The distractions were too much to overcome, so rather than suffer death by asphyxiation, I let my clock run out.
My next opponent was one of these guys who could swagger while he was sitting down. Mr. Suave De Boner. He was so good he even remembered to stop his clock after every move. He was a large guy and a heavy breather. All during the game I felt like I was in the middle of an obscene phone call. Whenever he made a move he would smirk and glance at me, like why am I lowering myself to play a peasant like you? And then there were the cerebral remarks like, oh I see you are using the Jirkov opening from the 1920's. And I am thinking who the heck is Jirkov, and the way I pronounce it, it might be describing the guy across the table from me.
So I figured if he is going to play a textbook game, I might as well take him out of his game by forcing trades. He did not like that, but chess is war. Then he made a mistake and all of a sudden I realized I had him. My game plan had worked perfectly, but my clock ran out again and he won. Then he went on to win the whole tournament. Afterwards, he turned out to be a pretty good guy. We chatted for awhile and he congratulated me on giving him his toughest match.
Chess can be fun, but there is some gamesmanship involved. Here are some ways to really annoy your opponent:
Never move any piece once unless you have touched every other piece twice.
If you have a piece under attack, immediately put another so to confuse your opponent.
Bang your pieces down when you move, it intimidates your opponent.
Never resign, there is always a chance your opponent might drop dead before he checkmates you.
Always give a check when you can, it may be a mate. Anyhow, it is better to have checked and lost than never to have checked at all.
Stick to one textbook opening even if it is bad and you don't understand it. One day you will find someone who knows it even less than you do.
Castle, take en-passant, promote pawns to minor pieces whenever you can, it helps to create the impression that you have a deep knowledge.
Never think before you move. You can always retract your move, but your opponents must never be allowed to retract theirs.
If you can announce checkmate, do so and say nice game and walk away before your opponent has a chance to make sure.
Give away your pawns, they only get in the way and hamper your other pieces, and those of your opponents.
When you accidentally stumble upon a win, at once declare noisily that you played it that way.
While watching two other people play who you do not like, be a kibitzer, comment openly, even move the pieces on the board for them, they will not bug you anymore after that.
If you really want to f*ck up your opponent, show up wearing coke bottle glasses and false buck teeth, and practice the timing of your belches and farts. All is fair in chess and war.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Tennis Anyone?
It so happened that our company's Sales Department held a doubles tennis tournament, and the winners posted notices on the public bulletin boards that they, Robert and David, the Dynamic Duo, had proclaimed themselves that they and they alone were the tennis champions of the company, and should anyone disagree, let them step forward and take their lumps on court.
For several days, no one dared take up the challenge until the news reached my boss, who happened to be a long time tennis buff, and he was so aghast at the brashness and audacity of the Dynamic Duo, that he came to me, since I was the company sportswriter, and said "I hereby deputize you to arrange a match against them to be held TONIGHT after work". I said OK, I can arrange that but this is doubles, so who will your partner be? He said he did not have time to look for a partner so it would have to be ME. But I do not play tennis. No matter, just show up at the park district courts tonight after work. But, but, but....oh well, OK.
Now although I am OK at ping pong, I suck at tennis because of rim shots. Ping pong paddles are much more forgiving on off-center hits than a tennis racket. I also did not want to make a spectacle of myself because not only did I not want to wear those fruity white shorts, but word of this match was spreading like wildfire and I feared there would be spectators. As it turned out, there were hundreds of spectators, but each of them was watching from their cars, waiting for the stoplight to turn green.
It turned out that I did not have to do much, so I just stood there while the boss was flying all over the court. Since I was standing close to the net, the few times I had to hit the ball were rim shots that just barely made it over the net, making it look like they were deft touch shots. When the smoke had cleared, the Dynamic Duo had been stripped of their championship, 6-4, 7-6.
The Dynamic Duo caught a lot of flack at work about this, and their defensive statement was that their loss was the upset of the century, made possible only by a combination of their own overconfidence and the fact that their opponents played over their heads, and it was only 2 sets. So a second match with 3 sets was arranged to let the Dynamic Duo prove to their fans (all two of them) that the first match was only a fluke, and this time they would surely dash their opponents into oblivion.
Well it turned out that the first match was not a fluke after all, the Dynamic Duo lost again, 6-4, 6-2, 6-3, and they were forced to admit that it was not quite the upset of the century, maybe just the decade, and one of these days they will win, especially since by now the law of averages was on their side.
Meanwhile, the boss and I had the company championship, and should anyone disagree, let them step forward and take their lumps on court. No takers, and I have not played since.
It so happened that our company's Sales Department held a doubles tennis tournament, and the winners posted notices on the public bulletin boards that they, Robert and David, the Dynamic Duo, had proclaimed themselves that they and they alone were the tennis champions of the company, and should anyone disagree, let them step forward and take their lumps on court.
For several days, no one dared take up the challenge until the news reached my boss, who happened to be a long time tennis buff, and he was so aghast at the brashness and audacity of the Dynamic Duo, that he came to me, since I was the company sportswriter, and said "I hereby deputize you to arrange a match against them to be held TONIGHT after work". I said OK, I can arrange that but this is doubles, so who will your partner be? He said he did not have time to look for a partner so it would have to be ME. But I do not play tennis. No matter, just show up at the park district courts tonight after work. But, but, but....oh well, OK.
Now although I am OK at ping pong, I suck at tennis because of rim shots. Ping pong paddles are much more forgiving on off-center hits than a tennis racket. I also did not want to make a spectacle of myself because not only did I not want to wear those fruity white shorts, but word of this match was spreading like wildfire and I feared there would be spectators. As it turned out, there were hundreds of spectators, but each of them was watching from their cars, waiting for the stoplight to turn green.
It turned out that I did not have to do much, so I just stood there while the boss was flying all over the court. Since I was standing close to the net, the few times I had to hit the ball were rim shots that just barely made it over the net, making it look like they were deft touch shots. When the smoke had cleared, the Dynamic Duo had been stripped of their championship, 6-4, 7-6.
The Dynamic Duo caught a lot of flack at work about this, and their defensive statement was that their loss was the upset of the century, made possible only by a combination of their own overconfidence and the fact that their opponents played over their heads, and it was only 2 sets. So a second match with 3 sets was arranged to let the Dynamic Duo prove to their fans (all two of them) that the first match was only a fluke, and this time they would surely dash their opponents into oblivion.
Well it turned out that the first match was not a fluke after all, the Dynamic Duo lost again, 6-4, 6-2, 6-3, and they were forced to admit that it was not quite the upset of the century, maybe just the decade, and one of these days they will win, especially since by now the law of averages was on their side.
Meanwhile, the boss and I had the company championship, and should anyone disagree, let them step forward and take their lumps on court. No takers, and I have not played since.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
What It Feels Like to Bowl a 300 Game
The ultimate dream of every bowler is to put together a long string of strikes and have everybody in the building gather around to watch you finish in a rousing blaze of glory for a perfect 300 game.
I am sure everyone at one time or another has started a game with a strike and some wise guy would comment "Only 11 more to go", which was the sarcastic comment tossed at me as I began the 3rd game in our company bowling league with a not very classy Brooklyn strike.
This was not a moment of great confidence for me as my first 2 games were well below average and I had been playing the old game show "What's My Line" all night, which means I am a spot bowler who cannot find the right spot to aim at. This is complicated after a few beers because all the spots are moving.
Frame 2 - I over compensated, but I got lucky with a light hit resulting in a mixer strike that saw the 7 pin fall just before the pinsetter came down. My team was ecstatic because this was the first double I had all night, and I had to endure remarks like "It's about time", and "Where you been all night, chump?", and of course "Only ten more to go".
Frame 3 - I finally found the right line. Right in the pocket. The 10 pin hesitated but went down. Remarks "Hey a turkey". Response "What did you call me?".
Frame 4 - Absolutely drilled it. A crusher. No doubt. Confidence is gaining. Delusions of grandeur are dancing in my head. Got to keep from getting too excited.
Frame 5 - Right in there. Drilled it again. Now people are beginning to take notice, especially Ron from 4 lanes away who currently holds the season high game of 264. Our opposing team is already so far behind that they have given up, so even they are cheering me on. I find this most unusual since some of them would only cheer me if I tripped over the foul line. People are starting to gather around. The spotlight is on, and I feel like a hundred eyes are piercing me like needles. I have an itch and I dare not scratch it. Got to act cool and suave. I am too nervous to sit down, so instead I pace the floor, strutting like a peacock.
Frame 6 - As I stand on the approach, you could hear a pin drop (bad pun). As I began my approach I forgot to stop strutting so my legs got wobbly, I missed my spot. The ball ends up smack on the nose leaving the dreaded 4-6 split, but wait, the pins are still wobbling, and with the help of background screaming and stomping, they finally fall, and so do I.
This time I sat down and could not help but hear the remarks "With a break like that, he BETTER get a 300". My silent reaction - "What 300 game, it never crossed my mind". Another remark "Nobody talk to him, you might jinx him or get him nervous". Reaction - "Who's nervous? Anybody got a cigarette? Wait a minute, I don't even smoke." The silent treatment is driving me crazy. Confidence is suddenly all gone because I missed my spot. Pressure is unbearable because I do not want to disappoint everyone watching. Ron is even more nervous than I am, I can imagine him silently screaming "Please don't break 264" as he drinks his cigarette and smokes his beer, teeth clenched, eyes bugged out, and hairs standing up (all 13 of them).
Frame 7 - Missed my spot again even more to the left, so instead of hitting the nose, it crosses over to the Brooklyn side for an ugly strike, but a strike nevertheless, and the crowd absolutely erupts. They do not care what kind of strike it was as long as it was a strike. My kind of people. Ron is sweating bullets.
Frame 8 - Had to compensate for the last awful shot, but oh oh, I think I over compensate, missing the spot to the right. It looks like I gave it too much room to the right, it is gonna have to hook a lot to get back to the head pin, the background noise is reaching a crescendo as the ball nears the pins. The hook did not happen, the ball misses the head pin, leaving a horrible washout 1-2-4-10. Crowd reaction "awwwwwww", "he choked". Then I missed the spare. Ron, sweating profusely, is busily scribbling to see if his 264 is still in danger.
Frame 9 - Emotion is drained, composure is gone, missed the headpin again, missed the spare again. Spectators are leaving in droves while Ron is doing cartwheels in the background. Some of my better friends stand there staring at me with hands on hips, and then slowly shake their heads, then turn and walk away.
Frame 10 - Finished with a spare. Score is not worth mentioning. I find some consolation
in realizing I would have been ready for a straight jacket if the string of strikes had gone any longer, Ron too. Can you imagine if I happened to get 11 and then tossed a gutter ball?
In conclusion all I can say is....bowling sucks, bring on the golf season.
The ultimate dream of every bowler is to put together a long string of strikes and have everybody in the building gather around to watch you finish in a rousing blaze of glory for a perfect 300 game.
I am sure everyone at one time or another has started a game with a strike and some wise guy would comment "Only 11 more to go", which was the sarcastic comment tossed at me as I began the 3rd game in our company bowling league with a not very classy Brooklyn strike.
This was not a moment of great confidence for me as my first 2 games were well below average and I had been playing the old game show "What's My Line" all night, which means I am a spot bowler who cannot find the right spot to aim at. This is complicated after a few beers because all the spots are moving.
Frame 2 - I over compensated, but I got lucky with a light hit resulting in a mixer strike that saw the 7 pin fall just before the pinsetter came down. My team was ecstatic because this was the first double I had all night, and I had to endure remarks like "It's about time", and "Where you been all night, chump?", and of course "Only ten more to go".
Frame 3 - I finally found the right line. Right in the pocket. The 10 pin hesitated but went down. Remarks "Hey a turkey". Response "What did you call me?".
Frame 4 - Absolutely drilled it. A crusher. No doubt. Confidence is gaining. Delusions of grandeur are dancing in my head. Got to keep from getting too excited.
Frame 5 - Right in there. Drilled it again. Now people are beginning to take notice, especially Ron from 4 lanes away who currently holds the season high game of 264. Our opposing team is already so far behind that they have given up, so even they are cheering me on. I find this most unusual since some of them would only cheer me if I tripped over the foul line. People are starting to gather around. The spotlight is on, and I feel like a hundred eyes are piercing me like needles. I have an itch and I dare not scratch it. Got to act cool and suave. I am too nervous to sit down, so instead I pace the floor, strutting like a peacock.
Frame 6 - As I stand on the approach, you could hear a pin drop (bad pun). As I began my approach I forgot to stop strutting so my legs got wobbly, I missed my spot. The ball ends up smack on the nose leaving the dreaded 4-6 split, but wait, the pins are still wobbling, and with the help of background screaming and stomping, they finally fall, and so do I.
This time I sat down and could not help but hear the remarks "With a break like that, he BETTER get a 300". My silent reaction - "What 300 game, it never crossed my mind". Another remark "Nobody talk to him, you might jinx him or get him nervous". Reaction - "Who's nervous? Anybody got a cigarette? Wait a minute, I don't even smoke." The silent treatment is driving me crazy. Confidence is suddenly all gone because I missed my spot. Pressure is unbearable because I do not want to disappoint everyone watching. Ron is even more nervous than I am, I can imagine him silently screaming "Please don't break 264" as he drinks his cigarette and smokes his beer, teeth clenched, eyes bugged out, and hairs standing up (all 13 of them).
Frame 7 - Missed my spot again even more to the left, so instead of hitting the nose, it crosses over to the Brooklyn side for an ugly strike, but a strike nevertheless, and the crowd absolutely erupts. They do not care what kind of strike it was as long as it was a strike. My kind of people. Ron is sweating bullets.
Frame 8 - Had to compensate for the last awful shot, but oh oh, I think I over compensate, missing the spot to the right. It looks like I gave it too much room to the right, it is gonna have to hook a lot to get back to the head pin, the background noise is reaching a crescendo as the ball nears the pins. The hook did not happen, the ball misses the head pin, leaving a horrible washout 1-2-4-10. Crowd reaction "awwwwwww", "he choked". Then I missed the spare. Ron, sweating profusely, is busily scribbling to see if his 264 is still in danger.
Frame 9 - Emotion is drained, composure is gone, missed the headpin again, missed the spare again. Spectators are leaving in droves while Ron is doing cartwheels in the background. Some of my better friends stand there staring at me with hands on hips, and then slowly shake their heads, then turn and walk away.
Frame 10 - Finished with a spare. Score is not worth mentioning. I find some consolation
in realizing I would have been ready for a straight jacket if the string of strikes had gone any longer, Ron too. Can you imagine if I happened to get 11 and then tossed a gutter ball?
In conclusion all I can say is....bowling sucks, bring on the golf season.
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